Chiamaka speaks to M, a member of Nigeria's online growing anonymous BDSM community.
I
t goes without saying that intriguing content on the internet draws eyes and stimulates minds, allowing for people to sometimes make connections that otherwise wouldn’t be possible in the real world. As a plus-size woman, I am drawn to other plus size women who follow and interact with my tweets.
A couple of months ago, I noticed that I was having growing interactions with an anonymous account. The person in the photos, the account that is, although headless, was plus-sized, pictured in various forms of nudity or in scantily clad lingerie. I soon realized the aim of the account was to connect with people who had similar sexual interests. After a few laughs on the timeline, we jumped into the DM’s. What marvelled me about our interactions was how ‘normal’ and friendly the person seemed. As if I expected them to be a gargoyle with a phone. From our interaction and from the person’s following, I began to decipher she wasn’t alone and there was a growing community of people like herself; people who were interested in BDSM and other similar sexual preferences. To gain more of an understanding of this growing, anonymous BDSM society in Nigeria, I decided to request an interview which she thankfully granted.
M is a well-accredited woman that works in the corporate field. She tells me a bit about how it all started, why she enjoys the security of her anonymous life and what she thinks about the accounts that sprout up in the community.
This interview has been condensed and reviewed for utmost clarity
Bside: It is so nice speaking with you and I am really glad you took the request into consideration. Any fears going in?
M: No fears indeed, just checking myself to make sure that I do not slip up and say anything too identifying.
Okay, great! Can you tell me a bit about your background in the community? Also, why did you start this account?
So I have a budding career in the corporate world. Many of the companies I have worked with are quite popular. As regards my anonymous account, I got into the journey of loving my body a while back and then I started taking a lot of ‘risque’ photos. After a while, I decided I wanted to share these photos with the world, however, I was scared to do so because of the reception it might get especially because of the industry where I work. While I am very much not prudish, I am also all about my bag. I did not want to risk my money being harmed as a result of some light fun. At first, I played with opening a (locked) burner account and adding only my close ones in there. After a bit, I discarded the idea and decided to open an anonymous account to post pictures of myself. I wanted a larger audience and a locked account simply did not provide that.
How has your experience using the account been so far? Have you had any major scares?
So far, my experience with the anonymous account has been great. Sometimes, I even tweet about my civilian life on there or post about my company. No self-identifiers of course. It helps that I also have no piercings or tattoos, which makes it hard for people to place my body in real life. My only major scare has been when I went on a date with this one guy and I discovered that he had used my (nude) picture as his background display. Obviously, he didn’t know I was the one. I asked him what he thought about the lady and he said he just found the woman extremely hot. I felt embarrassed and good at the same time. Needless to say, we did not go on another date.
Haha! You were so mean, what if he just has excellent taste?
Well, you make a good point there. I am trying not to obsess about whether or not the people who I meet now have all seen me naked (unknowingly). They are serving the purpose that I put them out there for.
You know how stan groups have a collective name and they organize hangouts. Does such exist in the anonymous BDSM community? Have you connected with anyone off there, personally?
I sincerely hope that we do not have a name. If we do, I am completely unaware and denounce it entirely. While I enjoy sending messages and discussing online with them, I have no intentions of meeting these people offline. Even when we share private, sexual content, it is all anonymous on my part. I cannot remember the last time I took a nude picture with my face in it. It helps that I do not have a current sexual or romantic partner in real life. However, my babies on my page are very much real to me.
While I cannot say for the future, I have no intentions of a face reveal just yet. With you, for example, I revealed my face because you are a civilian I have complete trust in. If you were in the community, I probably would not have. The only person that knows me off that account is someone who is also in the community that I knew prior to even getting into BDSM and raunchy content. So, he has a connection to me that others do not have.
How did you get into BDSM? Many of your nude pictures feature leashes, cuffs, floggers etc.
Well, BDSM really helped me a lot with how I perceived my body. As a super fat woman, I did not have a lot of positive imagery about my size. While fetishists exist aplenty, BDSM helped me enjoy my body for me. I love how rope ties look around my rolls and how a large leash looks on my neck. Cuffs and other bondage items make me feel so pretty, delicate and feminine, something which I was robbed of while growing up. BDSM is also comfortable with explicit imagery, which encouraged me to get comfortable with my naked body.
If given the chance, what would you like to see happen in the community?
I would like to see less focus on men as dominant in the BDSM community. So many accounts sprout up these days with faceless men who are just focused on trying to have sex with as many women as possible. They make passes to every single woman in our community while having absolutely nothing to offer except a hard penis. Sending nudes without people’s consent is also a serious problem, one that a few of us have been called out for doing. I would like a community where informed consent is prioritized and the women enjoy their sexualities without being propositioned every minute.
