This week, Chiamaka takes a look at masturbation, why it's been male-centric for ages and the different ways women can pleasure themselves.
The night before I wrote this, I decided to undertake some further research of my own into the topic. So, I got my toys ready, took a shower, and made sure I found some good content that would satisfy my visual needs. Unfortunately, I slept off the moment my head hit the pillows. I needed to satisfy my sexual needs but my brain was not in support of that. I woke up the next day to my unused toys staring right back at me. To be honest, I really cannot remember the last time I masturbated with my fingers. Maybe when I was in high school when I had little to no choices. When I was younger, I preferred humping my pillows or bed to inserting fingers into myself. A certain reason could have been that instilled childhood fear of ‘expanding’ my vagina, but on the flip side, it also explains my propensity towards clitoral stimulation.
The great thing about masturbation is that it gives us all a chance to explore our bodies the way no one else can. For boys, masturbation often begins at a very early age. There is a lot of fascination around their penis, especially because curiosity about genitals begins early on. When wet dreams begin, it is also a coming-of-age emission that tends to prompt masturbation and other forms of self-pleasure. As a pure contrast, girls rarely ever get encouraged to masturbate or self-explore their bodies. It’s quite interesting because women’s bodies are very sexualized, even from a young age, but we are also discouraged from practising autonomy over what is ours. While a few girls touch themselves from a young age, it is not an experience that is commonly associated with them, as the term ‘wanking’ is colloquially associated with people with penises.
There are myriad songs and dances dedicated to male masturbation but you ever rarely hear any dedicated to women’s self-pleasure. This brings to note a problematic ideal within sex itself, how often men are socialized to be proud of participating in sexual activity while women are expected to feel shame about it.
Since there is so much information out there about pleasuring penises, this article would mostly cater to self-pleasure for women. First, ensure that you are in a comfortable position and place. Anxiety about being walked in on or unwanted distractions will shift bodily concentration away from climax. Self-pleasure for women does not have to be so one-track minded ー that is penetration focused. Oftentimes, the popular kind of action we see women perform on-screen or discuss through other media is going straight to sticking their hands inside their vaginas for self-pleasure. Women are rarely encouraged to explore other body parts. It is okay to tease and suck on your own nipples if your bodily anatomy allows it. If your breasts are so big (or long) that they can go in your mouth, feel free to put them in there and stimulate yourself before heading to the vagina. Touching your own body freely will give you an idea of other erogenous zones, separate from your primary genitals, that partners in the future could also explore at your request.
The truth is, when women become more comfortable with masturbation, they are bound to have even greater sex. This is because masturbation familiarizes us with our bodies way more than time with our partners may allow. I will also encourage women to become comfortable tasting their own arousal and thereafter, their own come. A lot of women are uncomfortable with the idea of receiving oral sex because they are hung up on their own tastes. While men are not socialized to worry about such things—they will happily come into anyone’s mouth—despite their own taste, a lot of women experience this. Taste yourself and get acquainted with the smell and the texture.
To stimulate the clitoris, rub down on it, first with one finger. Following the pressure, add some more fingers if you feel the need for it. Gauge your body’s needs and respond to them accordingly. If you are overtly dry, continue to stimulate the clitoris some more before penetrating with your fingers. You could also make use of a safe-to-use lubricant. Swirl across the clitoris in circular motions. Then, you may stick as many fingers as you desire into your vagina. While doing this, your body will respond with cues to finally arrive at a much-needed orgasm. Have fun.