Last week, several conversations and takes were spurred on Twitter when a random user tweeted that he broke up with his ex because he found out that she had previously had sex with multiple men at once. This week, Chiamaka dissects the discourse, offering her own perspective.
Oftentimes, different hypothetical scenarios are posed on Twitter for the sake of creating discourse. The intent behind many of these scenarios are questionable, as most of them are presented to deliberately rile people up or incite strange theories. However, sometimes people share personal experiences ー that most believe to be true ー and it creates an unending barrage of conversations and hot takes. Last week, a random Twitter user tweeted he was 6 months into a relationship when he found out his lady had previously been involved in a sexual interaction with multiple men at once. In usual Twitter fashion, the tweet took off and the hot takes started flying in. Questions were being posed. “What would you do if you found out your fiancée had a five-man train run on her?”
To begin with, we can get into the violent language that is used to describe group sex, especially when the men out-number the women. “Five-man train”. Conversely, multiple women and one man sexual scenarios are often glorified and even suggested to liven up or be beneficial towards relationships. We can also get into the absurdity of your partner’s sexual past being set as a deal-breaker, especially when you have already loved them enough to make them a permanent fixture of your life. However, we are here to discuss the responses, many of which varied from righteous anger to downright shock.
The re-occurring answer to the posed question ranged between several men expressing their disgust and displeasure to such act while a handful of other men stated that they had no problems with higher body counts ー in an obvious but shambolic attempt to seem more “accepting”, taking into consideration the society we currently live in ー but that they would prefer it if the woman did it in a less-debasing way, which is sex with one person each rather than group sex. They implied that this was selfish of the woman to do. What sort of pleasure could you possibly be seeking out to have sexual activity with five men at once, they indirectly asked.
The irony of this is indeed the fact that a woman could very well have sexual interaction with five different men at once and not orgasm. Studies have shown that heterosexual women are the demographic having the least orgasms during sex and it could be down to a lack of understanding when it comes to female anatomy and the vulva. More often than not, women are having sex with men because they are heterosexual or otherwise attracted to men and not because there is an unimaginable pleasure abounding being with a man. A study also found that 39% of women said they always orgasm when they masturbate, compared to 6% during sex. While many men approach their sexual partners (women) with worries about how many men they have had sex with; they forget to prioritize their partners’ pleasure, safety and enthusiasm for the sexual interaction. They forget that despite how many or how few partners they might have had themselves, it seems to have little to no effect on their sexual knowledge.
The male ego has several complexes. One of those complexes lie in their desire to be conquerors, specifically conquerors of women, both in a sexual context and otherwise. This complex has several layers to it. While many men believe it is their God-given right to gather up ‘bodies’ like power-ups in a Mario Kart game, they also believe that penetrative sex taints every woman. Thus, the value of women is reduced depending on the number of men they are or have been involved with. This is men directly admitting to be detriments to women, rather than bonuses. Women with little to no sexual experience make men feel like they're fully in charge because they believe that these women will not know when they are getting less during sex. As said woman has not experienced the pleasures of earth, she would not know to expect orgasms from him; or know when the sex is mid or downright terrible.
While the assumption fixates on the fact that women with a high number of bodies would be aware that a man’s bedroom skills might be lacking, I believe that every person knows when their bodies are being treated right, versus being in a very uncomfortable situation. There is nothing about fewer or more partners that make sexual interaction any less passionate and I believe by now we can stop equating vaginal tightness to chastity. Several studies have shown that women are more likely to come with clitoral stimulation rather than during penetration. With this in mind, Men would do well to place more of a concern into the body language, verbal feedback and touch of their partner during sexual interaction. This way, you would have more of a fulfilling sexual relationship with each partner rather than just assuming the reason why a woman did not enjoy sex with you was because she had become too familiar with the bodies of several other men.