The M in BDSM

Not every BDSM or kink desire is caused by some form of trauma. Life is short, let yourself enjoy things.

Simply put, masochism is the act of receiving pleasure from pain. A masochist is an individual who takes pleasure in the experience of physical or emotional pain. Masochists often rely on this pain for sexual gratification. A submissive to a dominant is what a masochist is to a sadist, however, not all masochists are submissives and not all sadists have dominant traits. It is important to point out that deriving pleasure from pain does not automatically mean that it is done to please a dominant or to seek the pleasure of a top.


While masochists derive pleasure from painful acts done during sex, they can also derive pleasure from casual, everyday things that could be painful. For example, some people enjoy the sting that comes with getting a piercing or tattoos. With the BDSM acts becoming somewhat acceptable in popular culture, many people are more comfortable and open to the idea of choking or spanking even though they are not full-blown masochists. This could be because of their partner’s interest in these sexual acts or their own personal fantasies they experienced shame or discomfort about. As a masochist, it is important to seek out partners who have similar interests and are also aware of your own personal limits. While testing limits can be fun depending on the context, this should be after you and the person have had multiple sexual experiences together and not for first-timers.


Toys such as paddles, floggers and other BDSM equipment can be very helpful in figuring out pain limits and what one person’s body can take. While some masochists are also interested in degradation or humiliation, some might be averse to verbal blow-backs and other words uttered in the heat of the moment. Not everybody has similar desires, even though they may belong to certain groups and that is one realization that is very important to hold in the community. It is also important to remember that the fun of play also involves a certain level of responsibility, so try not to fault your top for not offering a kink that you have not explicitly or verbally stated that you desire. Even though they are experienced in it, they may not be willing to offer it until the masochist themselves states that they’ll like to try it out.


As a person who enjoys pain in many forms, it is often easy to question yourself and interrogate the context of your desires and where they may have originated from. While compartmentalizing may be a coping method for some, it is important to remember to be kind to yourself. Not every desire has clear-cut meanings behind them or indicates some form of moral failure. In the same vein, not every BDSM or kink desire is caused by some form of trauma. Life is short, let yourself enjoy things.


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